and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
