In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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