Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
