Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
