No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize