You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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