It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
