There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
