why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize