All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize