Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
