Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
