you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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