What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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