the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
