My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
