it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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