that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
