awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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