i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize