highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
