Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
