does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
