I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it's like iHOP with fire
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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