Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
