i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
