Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
