can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drake has all the answers
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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