it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
