dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
