Yo dont text me then not text me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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