yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
