I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
