she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
