Your dad touched me again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
