Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
