She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
