I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
