i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
