You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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