Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
