and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize