I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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