He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize