I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He did a backflip because drugs
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
