I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
