Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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