Soap is not a condiment
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
