if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
