i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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