so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
