Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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