He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
