Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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