you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
