I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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