In the future we'll all be gay
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
