ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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