Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
