Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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