i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
