we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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