Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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