I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
