Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
