my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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