When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
