I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
