She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
