I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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