Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
