Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
