We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
