no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
