Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize