Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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