Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
