There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
