shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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