you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
