Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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