Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
