are you so shy because you have an std?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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