dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
