I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
