My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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