I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
