if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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