Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
