You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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