The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That reminds me...we need to get swords
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
